So for lunch today, I ate a few slices of pizza at the cafe on the lot. And whenever I eat pizza it makes me really thirsty for the next 24 hours. So after lunch I was just chugging on all these bottles of water all afternoon. Eventually, the water began to take its toll on my bladder as well as my soul.
I quickly rushed to the bathroom where there were two stalls awaiting my performance. As I ran to the far right one and began to unbutton my unbuttonable....buttons, another coworker who I've never seen - and whom must have been about 8 feet possibly 9 feet tall - walked in. Suddenly cursed with a small case of stage fright, i hesitantly began to unload the first of the 3 gallons of water I had ingested over the last couple of hours. The neanderthal standing next to me also began to unload what sounded like an ACTUAL galllon jug of water. Due to the overall advantage of both size and confidence, he was clearly being more..."generous" towards his urinal. While I knew it was probably obvious to both of us that he was winning this unoffical competition of manhood, I really thought nothing of it. I mean it was really just an unfair match so I didnt' take it to heart whatsoever.
Suddenly, Andre The Giant looks over at me out of the corner of his eye just as I happen to be nonchalantly gazing around. Our eyes suddenly meet, and the most subtle smirk begins to form on his mouth as he squints his eyes back at me. This son of a bitch was getting cocky...no pun intended. I trully didn't mind before, but now I was pissed...again not intended. This piece of shit thought that he actually had something to be proud of pickin on a little guy like me. I squinted right back into the beasts eyes and with just a slight smirk of my own, I let the guy know he would not be stealing any candy from any babies today.
I immediately began to concentrate on all I had to offer. The mini fridge worth of water that I'd ingested after lunch was beginning to pay off. Using my reserves, I slowly began to gain power and he knew it. The smell of fear was in the air....and boy did it stink! He knew he was losing position and began to muster everything he had left in him. From the studio-grade acoustics of the bathroom walls, the loud sounds of two men in the heat of battle became painfully overbearing. I could barely hear my own thoughts in my head. Another co-worker walked in during the middle of this and dropped to his knees cupping his ears before he quickly turned around running out. As the door slowly shut behind him, I could hear the blood-curdling screams coming from some of the other women in the office.
We both gritted our teeth, sweat pouring down as we held strong for what we both knew would be the last stretch. We both began to die down. We were coming to an end and our weapons of choice had already reached those final moments as they transitioned from automatic to semi-automatic.
A shot from him.
SILENCE
A shot from me.
SILENCE
Simultaneous last efforts as...NO...it couldn't be...I slowly began to die out leaving him the sole heir to the throne (pun intended).
He proudly zipped up and began to strut away not even offering me a gentleman's nod when suddenly....
I felt it. The last of my reserves had kicked in. My fellow co-worker stopped in his tracks realizing defeat as his shoulders sunk down low. He knew he had been defeated and that he had brought it on himself. He dragged his feet as he opened the door, stepping over a young woman who must have fainted during the debauchle. I stood their for a minute soaking it all in (the glory), and slowly buttoned up. Victory was mine and once again...somewhere in the world...a David...had defeated his Goliath.
I quickly rushed to the bathroom where there were two stalls awaiting my performance. As I ran to the far right one and began to unbutton my unbuttonable....buttons, another coworker who I've never seen - and whom must have been about 8 feet possibly 9 feet tall - walked in. Suddenly cursed with a small case of stage fright, i hesitantly began to unload the first of the 3 gallons of water I had ingested over the last couple of hours. The neanderthal standing next to me also began to unload what sounded like an ACTUAL galllon jug of water. Due to the overall advantage of both size and confidence, he was clearly being more..."generous" towards his urinal. While I knew it was probably obvious to both of us that he was winning this unoffical competition of manhood, I really thought nothing of it. I mean it was really just an unfair match so I didnt' take it to heart whatsoever.
Suddenly, Andre The Giant looks over at me out of the corner of his eye just as I happen to be nonchalantly gazing around. Our eyes suddenly meet, and the most subtle smirk begins to form on his mouth as he squints his eyes back at me. This son of a bitch was getting cocky...no pun intended. I trully didn't mind before, but now I was pissed...again not intended. This piece of shit thought that he actually had something to be proud of pickin on a little guy like me. I squinted right back into the beasts eyes and with just a slight smirk of my own, I let the guy know he would not be stealing any candy from any babies today.
I immediately began to concentrate on all I had to offer. The mini fridge worth of water that I'd ingested after lunch was beginning to pay off. Using my reserves, I slowly began to gain power and he knew it. The smell of fear was in the air....and boy did it stink! He knew he was losing position and began to muster everything he had left in him. From the studio-grade acoustics of the bathroom walls, the loud sounds of two men in the heat of battle became painfully overbearing. I could barely hear my own thoughts in my head. Another co-worker walked in during the middle of this and dropped to his knees cupping his ears before he quickly turned around running out. As the door slowly shut behind him, I could hear the blood-curdling screams coming from some of the other women in the office.
We both gritted our teeth, sweat pouring down as we held strong for what we both knew would be the last stretch. We both began to die down. We were coming to an end and our weapons of choice had already reached those final moments as they transitioned from automatic to semi-automatic.
A shot from him.
SILENCE
A shot from me.
SILENCE
Simultaneous last efforts as...NO...it couldn't be...I slowly began to die out leaving him the sole heir to the throne (pun intended).
He proudly zipped up and began to strut away not even offering me a gentleman's nod when suddenly....
I felt it. The last of my reserves had kicked in. My fellow co-worker stopped in his tracks realizing defeat as his shoulders sunk down low. He knew he had been defeated and that he had brought it on himself. He dragged his feet as he opened the door, stepping over a young woman who must have fainted during the debauchle. I stood their for a minute soaking it all in (the glory), and slowly buttoned up. Victory was mine and once again...somewhere in the world...a David...had defeated his Goliath.
